If you are a parent you know the drive. That first one when they put you and a tiny baby in a car and let you leave the hospital. If you’re the mom you probably sit in the back seat and question your husband’s driving abilities. Every bump, every sharp corner brings a gasp. Someone has made the unforgivable mistake of entrusting you with a baby. And, as you will many times, you wonder who is in charge to let such a thing happen. I made that drive with my husband and our baby girl years ago. It was just starting to snow and there were decorated flatbeds gathering to be a part of a Christmas parade. As we drove through the frosty afternoon every house decorated with Christmas lights seemed especially important because they were part of her world now. This little package dressed in pink ribbons and flannel deserved the best. I sat in the back seat of our red station wagon with an arm draped across her car seat to protect her from whatever danger I perceived and grinned the entire way home. I was exhausted and I’m pretty sure I still had mascara smeared across my face, but I remember having such a feeling of magic. I couldn’t wait to get started. I couldn’t wait to be her mommy. When we finally pulled into our drive way I realized my husband had somehow gotten the Christmas lights up. They shone brightly in the blue afternoon and I was so glad. I gathered that tiny warmth against me and whispered in her ear, “This week I am taking you to meet Santa.” And I did. I dressed her in a tiny red velvet dress and her brother and I took her to see Santa. I have the picture in a box somewhere. Santa looks terrified to be holding such a new little person. You can tell he’s wondering who put me in charge of a baby. Same Santa same. But I’m so glad they did. She’s out there in the world now and she’s her own kind of Christmas light. If you know her you’re glad you do. I still try to make sure she gets to see the best the world has to offer and I still throw my arm across her in the car whenever I perceive danger. Doesn’t matter that she’s grown with kids of her own. Turns out she and I are still on that first car trip and always will be.
Month: December 2023
Searching for Christmas. Day 1.
I wish you could have been there. Maybe you were. The store was pretty crowded. I might have missed you in the sea of flannel and Uggs. Snowman shirts and red ball caps. Heavy purses and high ponytails. I stood at the back of that crowd and wondered how long it would take me to make it to the front. I wondered but without any desire to leave. No way was I leaving without my ten dollar, three wick candles.
Honestly, I hadn’t even known I needed candles, but the nice elf lady in front of the store had handed me a bag and ushered me through the double doors. She had just assumed her store was my destination. Where else would I be going on ten dollar candle day? I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was to buy stadium chairs at a store further down from hers. That I had gotten up that morning, drank coffee, picked out socks and fueled up my car without even knowing it was the one day a year when three wick candles were only ten bucks.
Apparently the other three hundred women and two men in the store did know that. They had come with lists and ideas and deep pockets. Some people even went back to the elf lady for more bags. I was clearly out of my league. I almost ditched my bag on the end cap and left. But then I started to listen to the conversations around me. I always do this. Don’t say things in public you don’t want a writer to use. I’m just saying. What I heard was Christmas. People thinking about other people. Getting excited about making them happy.
“Dude, I’m going to buy this for Britt. She loves this kind of candy.”
“I’m getting this one for my mom. Her bedroom always smells like this.”
“This one just smells like Amanda to me.”
So, I joined in. I was by myself, but I had a very pleasing conversation in my head as I thought about the people I was buying candles for.
“Oh, I’m going to get this one for Renae. It smells so fresh and the colors will look great in her new kitchen. And I’m going to get this one for Summer so when she comes in after school she can make her kitchen smell like Christmas while she picks up. This one would be perfect for my sister, but I don’t know how I would ship it. Besides she might like to pick her own. Oh, mom would have loved this one.”
Y’all, before I knew it, I was grinning form ear to ear and happily humming a Christmas song. I made my way through the line, had a pleasant conversation with the girl running the cash register and exclaimed appropriately when she informed me how much money I had saved on candles I had had no intention of buying. I left with a shiny bag and a row of candles nestled in red tissue paper and chosen carefully for all my favorite people.
On the way out, I high-fived the elf lady and it caught the attention of an older woman trying to make a wide circle around the entrance to the store. She looked a little startled and did some kind of evasive move to try and avoid us but my pointy-eared friend was too fast. She shoved a bag in her hands and proclaimed it was ten dollar, three wick candle day. The older lady looked at me for an explanation, but I just winked at her and told her to go inside and listen for Christmas. The last I saw her the double doors were closing behind her and a worker was handing her a candle to smell.
Resistance is futile lady. Take your place in line.
Next door, they’re selling Rudolph sweatshirts two for thirty bucks. I know a couple of people who would rock those. I bet you do too. What the heck. It’s all for the people we love.
For Christmas.
yellowlamplight 